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A Paranoiac's Guide to Buying a Used Car, Part 4 Ed. Note: This is the 6th contribution from our resident paranoiac. Last December's Paranoiac's Guide to Winter Driving seemed to strike a chord with at least some folks, and January's Guide to Auto Defects stirred some others, so we again invited our paranoiac {who, obviously, prefers to remain anonymous} to give us his take on Buying a Used Car. This is the 4th and last part of the series. If you missed Part 1, click here. ... If you missed Part 2, click here. ... If you missed Part 3, click here. ... In Part 1, we talked a little bit about the culture of used car sales and what to look for before you start it up. In Part 2, we covered what to look & listen for when you start it up, but before you go anywhere. In Part 3, we got around to taking it for a spin. So, if you missed any of that, let me urge you to begin at the beginning. It's a good rule of thumb for a lot more than buying a used car. And besides, like I said last month, there's nothing more anxiety-provoking for a true paranoiac than to think that something's been overlooked. ... The Basic Rules: A Review
Ok? Ok. Just one last note before we move on. Some of you have evidently complained that this series should have been called "A Cheapskate's Guide" instead. I'll accept that. As a certifiable paranoiac, one of my main goals is not to get suckered in. So, that said, I see the main task when buying a used car to be walking away with a decent vehicle at a fair price. But ever since used cars became "previously owned vehicles," it's become increasingly hard to do just that. Why that is is pretty simple. A previously owned vehicle has 22 letters -- almost as many as the entire alphabet -- whereas a used car only has a paltry 7 letters. So simple math tells you that one is worth more than 3x as much the other. Right? Beyond that, if anyone out there actually knows the origins of the term 'cheapskate', I'd be curious to hear from you. I sort of collect that kind of thing. Ok. Now let's get back to the business at hand. Part 4: Getting Back to Where You Started
When you get back -- to the driveway, street, garage, dealer's lot, wherever -- just let the thing sit in place with the engine running for about 5 minutes before you turn it off. If you're paranoid about what the seller might think, then put the e-brake on and pop the hood and look around under there. That way you'll look busy. Don't hesitate to start talking with this person who wants to unload his or her car on you, so long as you can stay focused on what you still have to do before you start talking turkey. Five minutes have passed? Good. Now, shut it off and, if you haven't already, pop the hood. What to Look For: The first thing to look for is any new oil. {Remember? We checked under there before to see if there was any oil and, if so, where.} No? Good. Yes? Then where? Is it high up under the valve cover gasket? Ok. That's not a big deal. Is it down low? If so, can you trace it to the source? Is there some fresh oil on the ground? Oil down low is, well, down low, and it might mean that's how low you'd have to go to get at the problem. Watch out. How about other fluids? Any antifreeze leaks? If so, are we talking hoses? {No big deal.} The radiator? {A somewhat bigger deal.} Or maybe the pump? {A pretty big deal.} What about brake fluid? ... If things check out ok, it's time to check out the body. What You See Ain't Always What You Get: Rust -- the metal equivalent of dry-rot in wood -- usually eats a body out from the undersides and insides first, then makes its way out to the surface. Especially up here in the North Country, a car or truck body can be hiding a fatal cancer just under that top coat of paint. So, you'll want to take a closer look. But first things first. If you're buying this car mostly because you want to look good, then get some exercise or a new wardrobe. It's a lot cheaper. ... Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with a good-looking car or truck. But many, way too many people, end up buying a car or truck primarily based on its appearance. That's putting the proverbial cart before the horse. ... So, to keep you from doing damage to the self-esteem you're seeking by buying this vehicle, let me offer you the following advice -- indented and bold ...
Ok? Ok. The first place to look is the underside. Grab a flashlight, get down there and look around. Look at the floorboards. Look at the undersides of the rocker panels. What do you see? On an older car, it might be hard to tell exactly what you're looking at. Self-applied undercoatings usually go on thicker and blacker than the factory-applied equivalent. So you may need to poke around. Take the back end of the flashlight and tap around on some of these places and listen. Solid dull thuds are good. Dull thuds that sound like there's not much behind them are not so good. If the flashlight goes through the floorboard, that's bad. When you've finished with the underside, you can emerge back into the light of day again. Now inspect the outer body. Get down at eye level by the front or rear lights and look along the side, end to end. See any dents? Anything that looks like a collision repair? Look around the light housings, too, as well as those other places that tend to hold moisture for a longer time. Do you see any rust? And paint bubbling? Now flash that light up under the wheel wells, too. Finally, you may also want to open the trunk and lift the rug if one's there. Making a List and Checking It Twice: Ok. You've done it all. Now it's time to make a mental list of what you may still want to ask that seller. If everything's checked out ok {What are the odds!?!}, then maybe the only questions you have are whether he or she has the service records and whether the price is 'firm'. But you're not asking the questions yet. You're just making a mental list. On the other hand, if there were problems or questions that came up as you checked it over, go over them in your mind before opening your mouth. If it makes it easier, pull out a pencil and paper and write them down. Now take a deep breath. Look at the car, part by part, in your mind -- the body, the engine compartment, the brakes. Look at yourself driving it. Remember what it felt like, what you saw, what you felt, what you heard. When you're done with your list, you're ready to talk with the seller. Talking Turkey: Ask whatever questions you have. Ask them plain. Ask them simple. Ask them without apology or hesitation. And listen! Listen carefully. The fact is, even an honest seller may not know the answer to all your questions. But if you ask, for example, about the service records and he or she says, "I'm not sure." Then you may want to take things with a grain of salt. Why? Because, usually, drivers, like most everyone else, come in two shapes. One is the shape of a pack rat who keeps everything, obsessively. The other is the clutterless type, who tosses it all unless there's an obvious and immediate need for it. The pack rat will know that the service records are there. The clutterless type will know that they're not. So, if you're faced with someone who honestly doesn't know whether he or she has kept the service records, then you're talking to someone who doesn't know whether they consider that vehicle as a keeper or a throw-away, or worse, doesn't know him- or herself well enough to know where auto service records fit in the scheme of things. Once you've finished talking, shake hands, tell the owner you're going to sleep on it, then walk away. Yes. There's the risk that someone else might come and buy it out from under you. But it's probably a risk worth taking unless you're pretty damned sure that this is the vehicle for you and the price is fair.
That's it. Now go home and live up to your word -- sleep on it. When you get up the next day, if it still seems like a good deal, go for it. But if you find yourself re-thinking it, wondering about this or that, remembering a less than firm handshake, whatever it might be, then you may want to sit with the morning paper and open up to the classifieds and start over again. You can and should make a courtesy call to the owner to let him or her know that you've decided against it. If he or she asks "Why?" You may want to just let it go at, "It's not for me." But if you do get into it, don't let yourself be talked into something against those instincts you woke up with. Ok. That's it. Questions?
Let me know. I'll be happy to try and answer them next time around. The
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