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Living Together
Words
of Love ... Three little
words: Words of love, so soft & tender Sometimes it seems America is a land of extremes. It's certainly reflected in our geography and climates. It's reflected, too, in the diversity of cultures, household incomes, lifestyles, priorities ... You name it. ... But one dimension of our American life seems to evoke more extremes, of greater variety, than just about anything else. What's that, you ask. ... Love. The romantic image of love -- strongly reinforced by decades of books, movies, and now TV -- often went something like this: Woman meets man and vice versa. The two are attracted to one another. The woman tells the man she loves him. The man {picture Bogey or Gregory Peck ... whoever} protests, says why it won't work, or, inwardly acknowledging the same fate, stares silently off into the distance, distracted by other concerns. ... That's one image, and an old one at that. Times have changed, and with them, our vocabulary of love. ... Nowadays, love seems to come more easily. Or at the least, we some to love more than we used to. ... We 'love' the kids, or our husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, companions, partners, significant others ... lovers. ... We 'love' our homes, our towns, our states, our country, the flag ... a good parade. ... We also 'love' chocolate, apple pie, pizza ... The Islands, The Cape, Boston ... The new car or a good book. ... The fact is, we don't have the vocabulary at our disposal to help us distinguish between the many kinds of 'love' we seem to feel. ... In the classical languages of Western Civilization, there were usually at least three terms to distinguish among what we now lump together under the impoverished word 'love'. For lack of a better reference, and because it's immediately at hand, let's use Latin as a reference point. In Latin, what we call love actually had one of three options: amor, caritas, and cupiditas. Last things first. ... Cupiditas was the Latin term for what we might now call 'desire'. But other Latin words sharing the same root {like the adjective cupidus, or the verb cupio} add to the idea of desire additional terms like 'eager' or 'wish'. There's also a long history of thought, mostly religiously oriented, on cupiditas. The short course goes something like this: It's the root of all sin. ... The facts is, if we had to choose a word from our modern vocabulary to translate cupiditas, bringing together all the connotative & denotative history under one verbal roof, the best bet would probably have to be 'lust'. ... Enough on this score. Amor, from which we derive the word 'amorous', is the one which probably comes closest to how we usually understand the term 'love'. It implies a strong attraction, often sexual nature. And it's related to the Greek term eros, which is more commonly used when we want to get philosophical or psychological about such things. At first blush, then, both cupiditas and amor might seem to be kissing cousins, if not twins. Both, for example, appear to suggest strong desire. And each does. The difference is two-fold: each was understood to originate from a different part of the self ... and, therefore, each was understood to aim at something quite different in order to be satisfied. If we thought about it in Medieval terms, while cupiditas originates in the loins, amor originates in the heart or soul. ... So, if we're going to choose a modern term for amor, let it be 'love'. The last term that we have to contend with, then, is caritas. ... Caritas actually brings us the English word 'charity' ... by way of Middle English and Old French, where it was used to express the idea of love, as in "Faith, hope, and charity; these three ..." The original Latin was a bit different. Caritas was used to imply affection, and came from the Latin cognate, carus, which meant 'dear', as in 'cherished'. ... The Sanskrit root -- ká -- actually branches out into a number of words that come down to us in English as, not only charity or cherish, but 'caress', and even 'whore'. Here, too, the idea of desire is central, reinforced, perhaps, by the fact that the infamous Kama Sutra also derives from the very same root. ... Yet words and language, just like those of us who employ them, change. So today, caritas, with its origin implicitly lodged in the spirit of one's inmost being, perhaps most closely approximates the English word that derived from it ... 'cherish'. This is the 'love' that transcends desire, or, perhaps more accurately, puts another's needs & desires before one's own. ... Charity, in other words, heart-felt, and freely given ... an act of genuine generosity, in and for itself and nothing more. To paraphrase an old poet, words 'slip, slide, perish ... will not stand still ... will not stay in place'. But in this context, how's about a little "less of love" and a little more effort to distinguish between the many loves. ... If, indeed, 'God is love', then we'd do well to pay a little more attention. ... . ******* ******* If you would like to submit something for our Living Together section, don't hesitate to let us know. Simply e-mail us at livingtogether@downstreetmagazine.com. The e-mail should contain your name, address, and a phone number where we can reach you. You may also send a copy of your proposed article. The text can either be included in the body of the e-mail, or you can send it as an attachment in just about any word processing format. If your piece is accepted, we will pay a small honorarium for your interest & your time. 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