|
Back Issues |
|
... Ask Gola ... Are your kids driving you crazy? Well ... DownStreet can help {maybe}. DownStreet magazine is pleased to be able to offer a valuable and free service to our readers: Ask Gola. ... Gola di Montagni has graciously offered to answer readers' questions, readers like you. Gola knows that, especially these days, we all need all the help we can get. ... If you have a question for Gola, e-mail her at askgola@downstreetmagazine.com. But, without further ado ...
Ask Gola ... ******* ******* Dear Gola, I’m a junior in college. I met a guy on vacation in December that I really like. He told me he was a sophomore. He lives in New Hampshire. We had a really good time on vacation and started to see each other. But then he told me he was only eighteen and that he just graduated from high school last June. I was shocked and hurt. He said he had lied at first because he didn’t think I’d give him the time of day otherwise, and then he didn’t know how to break the truth to me. What should I do now? Signed, Confused in Middlebury. Dear Confused, Shakespeare said, “Oh, what tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive." You have certainly gotten caught in such a web. There are two issues here. He lied and he’s young. The fact that you liked him so much before his confession suggests that young as he is, he may still be a good match for you. Perhaps what he lacks in experience he makes up for in maturity. We never know where or when we’re going to find love. The lie is more problematic. He obviously feels somewhat inadequate and is inclined to cover it up. On the other hand, you met in December and he’s already told you the truth. I would keep my eyes open, but give this young man a chance. He seems to care enough about you to take the risk of coming clean. Now all you have to do is ask yourself if he means as much to you. Ciao, Gola. ******* ******* Dear Gola, I’m divorced. I’ve been seeing a man for three years. He’s divorced, too. We have a loving committed relationship, but certain factors make it impossible to live together for the next few years at least. I would like to get married, but I can’t imagine being married to someone I don’t live with. We spend weekends together, but that’s not the same. Can a long distance marriage really work? Signed, On the Fence in Richmond Dear On the Fence, No one knows better than a Vermonter how controversial the whole concept of marriage is. You’re divorced, so I assume you’ve lost some of your romantic idealism, or at least your naïveté about marriage. In this day and age, at least after divorce, marriage doesn't mean what it once did. So what does it mean -- to you and your prospective partner? Does it have to do with religion? commitment? economics? or something else altogether? What would be different if you married, and is that important enough to you both to take it on if it means living under separate roofs for a while? One of the great pitfalls of marriage is that we don’t always really know what we mean when we say “I do." Even a marriage under the same roof is in trouble without this understanding. Ciao, Gola. . ******* ******* Gola di Montagni prefers to live a relatively anonymous life in the mountains around Bristol. Gola is not a licensed therapist or similar practitioner. Of Italian descent, Gola simply offers advice to those who seek it, out of more than 50 years of life experience. Gola also wants readers to know that "Gola is not infallible." In fact, one of Gola's favorite quotes says: "If experience always led to wisdom, there would be no such thing as an old fool, which is a contradiction of experience." Of course, Gola's advice is always thoughtful, and it is always given in the hope of helping. But those who write the letters must always weigh Gola's advice against their own experience and judgment. ******* ******* If you would like to Ask Gola a question, why not send it along
to ... . |
|
*******
******* ******* ******* For more information, contact DownStreet Magazine by ...
Phone
(802) 453-5124 All
material copyrighted © 2000-2001. All rights
reserved. |
